- Posted by: Keshia Martin
- Category: Uncategorized
Boy oh boy, I don’t know what is going on in the atmosphere, but this is prevalent with quite a few right now. Onesidedness, to the point I’ve been asked to blog about it. So here we go…lol.
Onesidedness, something that happens whenever there is not an equilibrium in a relationship and the one is being taken for granted for.
Ever have a friend, family member or co-worker want or need you and when you need them back in return they are not there? Or, ever give that listening ear to someone through their challenges and when its needed, you know the ear just to listen to you? You get a whole lot of expert in hindsight advice of what you should and should not do?
Well, this is what we are talking about today. One sided. So often things are not reciprocated and in essence one out of two people is relied on more than the other. What happens, is an inequality and then compromise. If it gets really bad, then OVER Compromise.
Here’s the kicker. Often times, especially now with social media, smart phones and “busy” lives, people do not really settle the problem with the person or stand their ground, they just walk away.
I will tell you now that is an excuse. For people make time for what they want to make time for. Its a weak way of dealing with a situation and a way for that person to continue with their antics in your life.
This “busy” word is used to pull away from a situation and the obstacle. If you are on the receiving end of this and this does not please you, then know that this pattern in the friendship/relationship will continue as long as you allow it.
You are overcompromising, if you are unhappy by these actions.
Let me ask you this, when you are chasing after your goal, do you stop or quit after the first obstacle? If you want it bad enough, then No you will continue to work towards it.
So why give up on yourself by not standing your ground when unhappy with a situation?
The answer is, many of times, the person is unsure HOW to communicate effectively what is truly on their mind. The emotions rule over and then things can get “messy”.
Messy can be any of the following:
1. the person is stressed because they are bottling things up
2. Or at other times create an argument say words they don’t mean
3. Or walk away from a person only to find it was all miscommunication to begin with.
4. Or fearful of the reaction they will receive from stating their inner truths.
The thing to be understood is communication and acceptance of what you receive. As I always tell people, it takes two people to make a relationship work as well as it takes two people to make a relationship fail.
Correcting the Problem
So although you know what the challenge is that you have with the other person, check yourself too. By doing this you get a hold on your emotions to control how your words, tone and expressions are conveyed when you decide to stand your ground and speak your truth.
It is important that you do just that. Speak YOUR Truth. The next part of checking yourself is YOUR reaction to what the other person has stood their ground for.
How much are you truly listening to the other persons concerns and feelings. How much of you is empathetic to their needs?
If both sides thinks this way, things get easier for equality. Much of the time, past experiences, hurts and joys erode the view that is current. As a result, what is in front of them today is not clearly seen and the discussion is wavered in false beliefs. And this is where the bad cycle begins.
Communication is so lost in this day and age, relying on texting and word conversations. Forgetting that we are all still human. Where much of our communication is nonverbal about 93%.
Her is the breakout:
Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc). Subtracting the 7% for actual vocal content leaves one with the 93% statistic.
So if we are watering down to the worst walking away and then secondly conversation through words alone, no face to face then much of the received message has been lost and left for pure confusion with you and the person at hand.
This is my food for thought with dealing with people. Check yourself to control your emotions to deal with people effectively. Most fears of standing your ground are made up in your mind from doubt and past experiences. The other is going too hard with “standing your ground” and using crazy tones because emotions are not checked and anger or hurt is running the show.
As you go through your day and are dealing with people, start to take note of your internal emotions when someone rubs you the wrong way and how you feel towards the wrong action.
From here you can gauge and relate to what I am conveying to you. This is a good starting point to any interaction to check yourself and move correctly with making decisions to stay positive and happy.
Trust in yourself and accept what will be between you and anyone that has an impact or form of meaning in your life. It is then, after your truth is spoken, that you can make a decision to walk or talk. It is here where you are clear. Speak Your truth to yourself and to the person that needs it the most. For in the end, the only real person you truly can control is yourself.