To Secure when you will have love again is a scary path for many. This is a posing question that I have been faced with a number of folks, with curiousity of when they will meet the right one. Now, I often stay away from relationship conversations here, but I have been helping a lot of folks, Men and Women, so I thought I would share a blog post on this.
Love is not easy after you have been hurt. Unfortunately, it is not like how you see on the movies, where someone just meets someone new and just falls in love all over again. In real life, there is a lot of mess and disconnects, because someone has been hurt and they don’t want to be hurt again.
Cycles exist now, where people are constantly attracting the same kind of people to them. Same kind of men, Same kind of women and are giving up on the idea that a true love or relationship can even exist today. For myself, somewhere I have made the decision to believe it DOES exist and that I will find it with the right person for me. Not someone who is perfect, but one that will work for me.
I have been married, divorced and had my share of relationships and attracting the same kind of men. For me, it was men with no relationship with either Mother or Parents. It took up to a year ago, when I was having a conversation with someone to see the pattern and a realization that I must break it.
Now, the healing for this was no easy task. I am not a past person or one that holds on to grudges, but I tell you when you get hurt, the pain can take set in your DNA like no other, so much that the walls and bridge come up smoothly as a way of protection, only to create rough title waves.
It is worse if you are intuitive and feel things that you do not see. For the mind, will seek for something to validate the thought process, which really isn’t a thought but a feeling given to you from within.
So, how do you find the right love that you can be secure in? You really must go through a healing process that changes the way you are energetically. One where you release things that have happened to you and allow yourself to be completely uncomfortable again and in the position to love again. Right now, you are holding on to this what if, I get hurt again? or I was hurt really bad, like a blanket. One is holding on to this blanket as though it should protect you from pain. But, it is really keeping you from love.
For a true healing, take time for yourself. Be relationship free and date yourself. Get to know the real you. I do this after a relationship and I can say I really get time to rejuvenate and find and learn things about me that I love and dislike. These past few months, I really had time to evaluate the why behind and release energetically the attracting of men with these mom/parent issues. Yay! lol…I can safely say, that I am now meeting men that I have a connection with and are balanced with their family upbringing, Spiritual on my level, Intelligent, Open with a strength that I have been seeking. (And Good Looking!). In the short time that I know one particular person, I see how much I have healed and can be open in a new relationship when one should arrive.
Even if that is the lesson and nothing more, then the value in this is great enough to prove to me that this works and real love can enter into ones life by truly going within. I know its scary, I know the fear factors involved, I know how it feels to be lonely and I know how it is to rack your brain, but I know more now that when you release the crap that doesn’t serve you, that truly better is there and the line that there is nothing out there, is truly but a lie.
I also have a client/friend that has recently re-connected with me and shared how he too had went through a divorce and a period of finding himself, God and meeting the right woman for him. He sounds so much at peace, with clarity and we found together in that conversation, the power in what God has and does to heal you.
I honestly have no idea of what will come, but I do know that a twenty year cycle has been broken for me. I know who I am and finding people like me with a deeper understanding. Less conversation needed and much more peace. Being reunited with people in my life that feels familiar and each one saying, it feels like we know each other on the day we meet. That my friend, is powerful.
So if you too want a real companion, friend and lover in your life, the start begins with you. Looking within to deal with all aspects. The sides that make you not like being alone and the reasons why. Embrace the fun and loving aspects of yourself also. I have found writing things out to be a big help. It gives you a visual and a reference point of what changes are needed and how you grow.
Learn to be interesting and enjoy your own company. For as you strengthen the points within yourself and work on the weaknesses, you will attract persons like yourself. In retrospect, you will see the similarities within yourself for the painstaking relationships sustained thus far. Hard truth.
So as you find a place where you can genuinely be happy with yourself, can look in the mirror naked and say “Damn, I’m beautiful!”, flaws and all..then can you truly gain what is best for you in your life with love.